All I need is Pixie Dust
by littlemisshaleybug
Summary: Countless people have been hurt by Gamzee Makara, in many different ways. Tavros Nitram acts as a guide to show not only how Gamzee affected the lives of their friends, but also how Gamzee affected his life as well. Watch as Characters grow and change when the bane of everyone's existence returns to town with only an emotionally crippled young man to prove how much he has changed.
1. Chapter 1

I hadn't been to the movie theatre in over a year.

To put it more clearly I hadn't had the extra cash to go see a movie in over a year. Now that I had gotten my part-time job at the shelter and had helped my father pay off the last of the debts that we owed, I had a little bit of extra that I hadn't yet put into my bank account.

Upon hearing this Vriska, my girlfriend of about four months, had insisted that we go to see the newest thriller on the big screen. Of course, I hadn't intended on telling her anything, but my older brother was sort of reconnecting a friendship with her half sister, and I had no control over whether or not she overheard what they said.

The conversation leading up to thedate had really been an adventure.

'_You've got the money, so now I don't have to pay for your ass this time!_'

'_Wait you never pay for me, I'm always the one to pay for you.'_

'_cause it's your job as my boyfriend idiot..'_

'_Besides, just because I have the money in my possession, that doesn't mean I want to just spend it all_.'

'_What's the hold up cheapskate_?'

'_Well I don't often have extra cash, and I may need it later_. _We are still struggling you know_.'

'_How can you be struggling if you've got fucking extra money_?'

'_It's only like fifty bucks Vriska_.'

'_Well, that's still_ something_._'

Long story short, we ended up going.

I grimaced at the woman behind the glass. "One for the horror film please." There wasn't any point in arguing. Even if I didn't want to see it, I was still going to have to no matter what I said.

"I knew you would come around." Vriska scoffed. She always got her way, mostly because I was a total pushover and knew it—and she knew it to. However, as she walked up to the counter to exchange her money with the woman and get her own ticket, a flash of fear went through me.

"Uh, Vriska? I'm not so sure I should actually watch this one."

Vriska shoved her money under the glass window and looked back at me, sighing. "Tav, this is the hottest thriller on the screen right now, you _know _how much I love these!"

"Yeah, but—"

She took the ticket from the theatre employee and grabbed the front of my shirt. While I stumbled to catch up she dragged me behind one of the huge pillars, where she pinned me against the cool stone and leaned in close, our noses touching and my arms up in what looked like surrender.

"Come on Tavros, don't you want to spend a little time with me?"

My breath came in shallow gasps. "Well yeah, but Tink…"

She ran a finger across my lower lip. "Hmm? What was that about your sister?"

"B-brother." I corrected for the hundredth time. "And he wouldn't want me seeing something like this…" I swallowed as she trailed her long nails down my neck. "I don't want him to—"

Not letting me finish, Vriska took hold of my chin and pressed her lips to mine, sighing in a provocative way as she ran her hands down my arms and to my thighs. I didn't know what else to do, so I froze up to wait for it to be over, and after a few moments of hungrily sucking at my lips, she seemed to have had enough, so she pulled away and began walking to the entrance as if nothing had happened.

Feeling a bit light headed and very flustered, I scrambled to catch up to her.

She always did things like that. Every time she felt I was about to go against her, she would use her charms and all the things that make guys like me squirm, then I would be following her like a lonely puppy. I'm not saying I liked it, because, well, I didn't, but we had known each other for so long, I didn't know any other way of dealing with her. When we were small children in the sandbox she would pull my hair and taunt me until I did whatever she said. In middle school she forced me to carry her books for her when she broke her arm, even if it made me late to my own classes. In freshman year I was forced to drive her car for her while she and a bunch of super sketchy friends got drunk at a party and needed a ride home— I was forced to wait in the car for five hours—And the saddest art was probably that we didn't start dating until a little while ago, with now being only a few weeks from the last day of junior year.

We gave our tickets to the bored looking teen standing just outside the entrance, and he barley even bothered to look at us as he ripped them in half and ushered us inside. I thought I recognized him from school, and I was about to say something, but Vriska was already at the concession stand, so I abandoned the thought and jogged up to her as she was gazing up at the menu with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I hate how everything's so expensive here." She huffed. Vriska hated everything if it didn't benefit her.

"Uh, yeah. Me too."

She turned to me, a glint in her blue eyes, and wrapped her arms around me to lean practically all her weight on me and whine. "Tav, _please_ can you pay for some snacks? It would mean _the world_ to me."

Of course she wanted me to pay. When did I not pay for things? When was I not the one being bent and twisted like a paperclip?

"Sure thing Vriska."

After waiting in line for what seemed like forever we walked away with a huge bucket of popcorn, two large soda's and a box of fruit gummies. Over all it cost about twenty-eight dollars.

_Well_, _you can't put a price on love_, I thought, trying to convince myself that it didn't matter.

Letting Vriska pull me by the arm, I entered through the theater as a commercial about a talking dog and cat ended. We found two seats near the front, but stayed about two rows back so we wouldn't be assaulted by the movie.

_I wonder if there' still enough time to back out_…

"Oh great."

I glanced over at Vriska, concerned by her agitated tone. "What it is?"

"The stupid trailers. I _hate_ them! I tried to waste enough time out there to be able to miss them, but…" she sighed. "Oh well."

My eyes shifted to stare up at the screen and right as I did the scene shifted to a green, lush jungle with small feet running here and there across the camera's vision.

_Wait_… _is it_…?

Something large rushed past the screen.

_It can't be_…

It was. The camera focused on a teenage boy, his sun kissed hair blowing in the wind as he flew across the sky, a flicker of golden light soaring beside him.

"It's a new Peter Pan movie!"

The scene shifted to a heated sword fight between Peter and the evil Capitan Hook. A huge smile spread on my face as I clenched my hands and jumped around like a little kid.

"Come _on_! It seems totally stupid!"

I looked at her, and upon seeing the utter boredom on her face I lowered my gaze and folded my hands in my lap. "Well, I kind of want to see it…"

"Its barley PG13, it's for kids."

"… So?"

She laughed in a not so humorous way. "You're an idiot."

As the theatre's lights went dim I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and inwardly wished I were in the theatre two doors down, watching the sappy romance that had started playing. To my right Vriska had her hand in the popcorn bucket, staring at the screen without much interest. The music swelled, all high pitched and tense, with whiny violins peppered with vocals that sounded like choirboys wearing pants that were way too tight for them. The title fades in: _Blood On The Wall,_ and then the directors name flashes in our faces, momentarily blinding me.

"God, I fuckin' hate these stupid adds." Vriska moaned. A couple turned around to glare at us

"Umm, it's not an add," I whispered to her. "The movies just starting."

"Well, I hate waiting," she whispered back with annoyance. The music, now punctuated by a dramatically heavy footstep, continued as Vriska grumbled to herself in a more subdued way.

As the movie began, I wondered if there was any way I could stay here and not actually have to focus on the movie. I could have just stared at the wall, but Vriska would have seen and comment on it, besides I would still be able to hear it, and I hadn't brought my music player with me. After a few more desperate ideas I eventually decided that, if I had to stay, I could at least try to enjoy the film, so I settled deeper into the lumpy seat and crossed my arms over my chest to try and block out the theatre's cold air.

The movie started out pretty well, not taking in the fact that most of the characters seemed to be acting over the top for every little thing that happened. It was kind of corny, but a lot of movies were like that, so I just ignored it.

Vriska however wasn't as willing to compromise. After every other line she would lean back and loudly complain about how stupid the characters were and how they all were going to end up in the warehouse, no matter what they said. The couple in front of us kept looking back with angry glares, and every time I could do nothing except sink lower into my chair and hope they didn't say anything to us. After only fifteen minutes of the movie, they got up and moved up two more rows, where Vriska's complaints wouldn't be as easy to hear.

"Those losers finally moved!" Vriska hissed gleefully, but I just shook my head.

The music in the movie became eerily quiet, suddenly drawing my attention back, and in a split second something flashed across the screen, causing me and half the theatre's occupants to shriek.

I cowered into the corner of my seat, and with a snarky laugh Vriska wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

The movie just took a horrible turn for the worse after that. The teenagers knew something was behind them, and the only place to hide was… of course… the abandoned building everyone in town had said was haunted. As they walked through the forest, all I could do was wonder in fear which one of them was going to be the first to die. _Please not the nine year olds… not the kids_…

I didn't want to be here. Not even Vriska's rare sign of comfort was enough to ease my anxiety. I peaked up at the screen through my fingers, but again the creature came out, and I yelped, burying my face deep in Vriska's side.

_Think happy thoughts… Happy thoughts… _I looked up briefly_, Oh my God that thing ripping her throat out_!

"Oh G-God… oh my God…" I reached up and tugged at Vriska's shirt lightly. "Vriska?"

"What?" She worked her mouth around the popcorn inside it.

"C-C-Can we please go? This is… Uh… this is r-really upsetting…"

"Upsetting," she scoffed. "But we're at the first good part in the whole movie! Come on you don't want to be a pussy, do you?"

No, I didn't. I wanted to look tough and cool, but I couldn't do that while a bloodthirsty beast was running wild and chasing a group of children into an abandoned factory. The screams echoed in my ears, making me shiver despite my best efforts, and when I glanced up to see what was happening I saw the dismembered body of a young girl scattered in a bloody pool across the floor, her eyes still moving to watch the monster rip her friend in half.

I just couldn't take it.

My stomach suddenly did a cartwheel. My hand flew up to my mouth, and Vriska was left to watch as I bolted up from the chair and ran out of the theater, holding my palm over my maw and praying that I could hold out until I got to the men's room.

I only got as far as the trashcan outside the theater before I doubled over and vomited with a painful lurch of my stomach. Out of the corner of my eye I saw some people staring at me, but again I was had to lean into the can and force everything inside me out. Tears were stinging in my eyes because of the pain, and the acid was burning my throat agonizingly.

_Why the hell am I here_? _Why did I agree to this_? _This is so unbelievably embarrassing_…

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned with watery eyes to see who had pitied me enough to come to my aid.

It was the bored looking man who had taken our tickets; only upon closer inspection he looked to be only a year or two older than me, if that. He had dark messy hair and a long face, but I couldn't see his eyes in the relative dim lighting of the hallway.

I felt like I was going to cry, but I knew I couldn't. What would Vriska have thought if I started crying? What would this person think if I was crying?

That was when he spoke.

"You're gonna be alright… its cool man, you're gonna be fine…"

He was comforting me. Me, the guy who sucked at everything. The guy who was a fake, annoying little douche. Me…

And then, as I stared at him, it was all too much. I abruptly turned away, and that was when I leaned far into the trashcan and retched harder than I ever had in my life.

While I vomited the boy brushed my hair back with one hand and rubbed my shoulders with the other. I could hear him making low, soothing sounds, and that, matched with the incredibly calm air that hung about him, truly worked to help ease me, and after a few long moments I was able to pull myself from the now disgusting trashcan. Shaky, I took a couple steps, but I almost fell to my knees. Luckily, the ticket guy caught me just in time, and with surprising strength he lifted me from underneath the arms and helped me lean against the wall.

"Th-thank you…" I managed to say.

"Wait here bro, I'll be right back."

The strong hands left me, and for a moment I had a burst of anxiety, but it was only moments later before they were back. One arm wrapped around my shoulders, while his other hand came to my face with a wad of paper towels and wiped my mouth of the bile hanging on my lips.

I couldn't hold it back anymore. Tears began streaming down my face, fueled by both embarrassment and exhaustion.

"Hey now, don't cry," He lifted my chin and smiled. "Don't let tears ruin that face 'a yours."

My lips forced themselves into a small smile like they always did, but for some reason this time it felt a little less forced. It was probably because someone was showing me kindness rather than cruelty, and I wasn't used to that. Maybe he could tell, or maybe not, but the guy responded with a crooked-toothed grin. It suited him.

"Um, _hello_? Torea-snore?"

We both looked up to find Vriska looking down at us with a raised eyebrow, her hands on her hips impatiently. It kind of looked like there was a bit of hidden concern in her eyes, but it was kind of hard to tell when her face was mask of annoyance.

"Oh, sorry miss," The guy was still smiling, a little different from before, but still smiling none the less. "This guy belong to you?"

"Yeah, he does. At least he did before he ran out of the theatre without even saying why. What the hell are you doing on the floor anyways Nitram?"

"Uh, well," I licked my lips, which still tasted of bile, and grimaced. "I-I must have eaten something bad before we got here, and I puked it up."

"Figures, that sounds like you."

The guy was still crouching beside me, looking up at Vriska with that lazy smile. The way he looked up at her and she almost glared down at him was staring to make me a bit nervous, but finally Vriska broke the gaze first by rolling her eyes as she shifted her footing.

"Anyways, let's go Tav. It's obvious we can't go back in that movie now or else you're _tummy issues_ will get in the way." She looked down at her phone to answer a text that had it buzzing, and I took the chance to steal another glance at the ticket guy. He was now looking at me with that lazy smile, and it was so friendly I couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks for helping me, I really, _really_ appreciate it."

"No problem brother, that's what I'm here for."

When Vriska looked up from her phone she nudged me with her foot, signaling she was ready to go, so the guy and I both got up and shook hands before Vriska dragged me by the arm away and out the door. Her car was cold as usual when we got in, and when she dropped me off and leaned in for her goodnight kiss and I had to explain how bad an idea it would be to kiss me with puke-breath she just rolled her eyes with annoyance and kicked me out of the vehicle, driving off in a blaze of exhaust and rock music.

That night my bed had never been more welcoming.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When I got back to school that Monday morning I was glad to see Nepeta crouching her usual fashion in front of her locker, her back to me. I didn't want to disturb her so I crept to my locker as quietly as I could.

But, it was no use. Her head turned slightly upon the sound hitting her ears, and then she spun around to flash a bright smile my way.

"Tavros!"

I smiled in return, lowering my hand from my lock to turn and face her. " Hey there Nepeta, how are you?"

She rose to her feet, straightening her large jacket a bit. "Purtty good, an yourself?"

"I'm alright." It was nice hanging around Nepeta. She wasn't ever mean or pushy, and her energy was refreshing. "Has Equius not arrived yet?"

"Hmph," She crossed her arms, and I saw that she had her cell phone in her hand. "No he hasn't. The big lump woke up later than usual, an had to hop into the shower as quick as _paw_sible so he wouldn't stink."

I nodded in understanding. "Ah. Yes, that was probably for the best." Without his strict hygiene procedures, Equius did tend to become rather unpleasant to hang around. A daily shower was absolutely necessary every day.

"Anyways, Tav_fur_os, do you have the notes for vet-science? I was absent Furiday and forgot to ask until now."

My eyebrows raised and I nodded. "Sure, would you like to borrow them?"

"Yes please, would that be alright with you?"

"Of course!" I turned back to my locker and reset my lock to start again. "Couldn't you ask Equius? Uh, not that I'm complaining, but he has the class too."

She leaned on the lockers with her hands behind her. "Well yeah, but he has it same as me, third period, an we gotta study for the test."

Messing up on the combination and cursing, I started again. "I have a test too you know."

"Yeah, but you're so good, you've _purr_obably been studying for a whole week now right? You're the best in that class Tav!"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I suppose." With a metallic click the lock cam undone, but when I went to pull it open, like it had done a hundred other times the door refused to open. I cursed once again and went to pound on it to loosen it, but then I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder.

"Allow me."

The hand went to replace mine on the handle after I quickly retracted it, and with hardly a struggle at all the thing came swinging open.

"Thank you Equius, I owe you one."

He shrugged a fraction of an inch and adjusted his glasses, which were still tinted darker from being outside. The transition in them must have been broken, because they were always partially shaded while indoors, and he had a strap hanging loosely around his neck to catch them whenever then fall, so he wouldn't have to buy a new pair or deal with it every time they broke. "If you agree to lend Nepeta your notes, I will consider it an even transaction."

I agreed and pulled out my textbook.

All three of us usually got to school rather early, so there were only a few other students passing here and there in the halls as I retrieved my notes from my binder and handed them to Nepeta, who thanked me with a hug and a kiss to the cheek. We followed Equius to his locker, and then strolled together through the hallways until the first bell rang, then I said my farewell and turned the opposite direction toward the classroom that I was expected in.

Class went on like usual, I did my work, took my notes, then as soon as the bell rang got up and left to do the same thing in the second class, except this time I had a friend.

Feferi and I didn't often talk much when we were younger, but lately we tended to have classes together, so we were able to talk often. My second period I had algebra two, and both Nepeta and Feferi shared the class with me. An even better stroke of luck was that our teacher had let us choose our own seats, so the three of us sat in the second row, with Nepeta in the middle and the remaining on either side.

Today Feferi had the side of her hair pulled back in a delicate gold pin, and often fiddled with it as she spoke. "I've been to the moon an back with my tutor about these darn equations so I beta get at least a C on this practice test!"

Nepeta giggled at her demeanor and I had to smile too. "Don't worry, it is only practice for the final next week, so uh, even if you do poorly, it's not for a grade, and we'll probably even go over them in class after they're graded."

"Yeah!" Nepeta chimed in. "And mister Droog'll answer any questions you have— as long as you don't ask too many. You know how he gets."

"Oh yeah I do, that's why he scares me!"

At that moment Mr. Droog called for silence and the entire class obeyed as he handed out the practice packets. The few times anyone had dared to disrupt his class they had given them detention and sent them immediately to the principals office, and the students who couldn't handle it either dropped or begged to be switched out, so the small class that was left was as efficient and rule abiding as an army.

The test wasn't too hard. At least I wasn't fumbling over myself trying to decide whether or not I had ever even seen these equations before— once when I glanced over to my side I saw that Nepeta had that covered.

We were allowed all the way up to when the bell rang to finish, and though I and Nepeta turned ours in well before, Feferi waited until Mr. Droog was literally right in front of her glaring dangerously with his hand out before she relinquished it into his hand. From what I glimpsed on her Scranton she hadn't left anything blank, so I was rather confused.

"I was checking ever little thing," Feferi stated as we left the room together. "I wanted it to be as perfect as it possibly could."

"We already told you silly, save all that energy fur the real thing!"

Feferi pouted her lips, practically puckering. "Well you sure turned yours in early miss sassy guppy! Someone cheatin' off her genius neighbor?"

"I-I'm not a gen—"

"Of course not! I just skipped the ones I didn't know and moved right along to what I did know! Whish was…" Now Nepeta adjusted one of her many beanies and laughed with an embarrassed tone. "… Not much actually."

"You goof!"

We shared a laugh, then stopped at the corner where Nepeta always had to go down a different hallway then us. "So guys! I'm working on a thing in art, wanna see a picture during lunch today?"

I nodded and Feferi giggled. "Sure thing! We should meet by the tree today then right?"

"Mmhmm, same place as usual. I'll bring Equius too if that's okay."

"You know that's always fine Kitty-fish. Just remind him to behave!"

Flashing her teeth with a grin Nepeta nods. "I will, bye guys!" We waved as she did, all of us walking again until we passed the corner and Nepeta was completely out of sight.

"Um by the way Feferi," She turned to lend me her attention as I pointed to her hair. "is that pin new? I haven't seen you wear it before."

From the way she lit up you would have thought I had proposed to her. "You like it? It was a gift for my birthday, but it came in the mail late so I didn't get it until April, and then I forgot to wear it until today! I can be SO FORGETFUL sometimes!"

I smiled as I remembered her birthday party. Every time someone handed her a present she looked as if Christmas came early, and everyone was sore from her hugs by the end of the night, but it was still fun.

"So Tav, did you study for the test?"

I nodded, adjusting the strap of my backpack a little bit. "Yes, I don't have my notes though."

"Oh? Why not? The first ten minutes of the test are open notes aren't they?"

"I let Nepeta borrow them; she wasn't in class Friday so she wasn't able to review like the rest of us."

She puckered her lips again before giggling and pinching my cheek. "You are such a CUTIE Tavros! A super sweet, absolute Q-T!"

I made a protesting sound and swatted her hand away without seeming at all annoyed and followed her into the Vet-Science classroom, the other students were jabbering away around us, and Feferi joined them immediately.

Most of the things that were on the test were anatomy and vocabulary, so I was able to finish it with twenty minutes of class time to spare. I used this time to pull out my cell phone as inconspicuously as possible and check the messages that I had missed during the day.

None.

Oh well, it hadn't been like I expected them anyways. I just wanted to make sure.

Since we needed to be quiet for the rest of the class period I used that time to finish up reading the chapter my English teacher had assigned. Unlike a lot of the other books I've had to read for school, this one was very good. Ender's Game was very compelling, and though it was brutal and angry in the way it depicted the treatment of children in wartime, it was exhilarating and I found myself engrossed in the middle of the next chapter when the bell rang and I was forced to reluctantly stick my bookmark in and close it.

Feferi jabbered on about several things involving the test and how intensely she had prepared for it all the way through the school until we reached the quad that sat in the middle between the two classroom buildings, D and P, and the main office. We found Equius and Nepeta sitting on the quilt Nepeta always brought to school so we wouldn't have to get grass stains from the small patch of green beneath one of the small trees scattered around.

This little ragtag group had used to also include Vriska, but she had quickly grown bored with us and instead turned to sneaking out of the school to do god knows what off campus. Often Aradia and Sollux would join us as well, but today they were both off on a Physics field trip with the rest of their class, so I didn't expect to see them until after school, if at all. Aradia enjoyed pulling Sollux on unusual adventures.

When we sat down on the quilt Nepeta offered me some iced tea from her thermos, and since it was so warm I gratefully accepted.

"So common Nepeta, you had something you wanted to show us?" Feferi asked as I silently offered her the thermos. Nepeta brought it to share, rather than for herself.

Her eyes sparkled as she pulled out a large stiff piece of paper from a pouch-like thing, holding it up in the bright sunlight and revealing a surprisingly detailed self portrait of Nepeta herself, the mischievous smirk caught in the frozen moment of time near perfectly matching that of the one Nepeta wore at that very moment.

She held it around so all three of us could see it, and we applauded it as if we were in an art gallery.

"Absolutely beautiful Nepeta! I adore it! And you have such an eye for DETAIL!"

As Nepeta giggled a thank you Equius guided her arm so the picture was entirely in his view. "Very exceptional work. You truly have outdone your previous skills, as I expected you would."

"Aw you guys, you're too nice!"

"No, it deserves it," I shuffled over behind Equius so I could look over his firm shoulder and see. "Did you draw it freehand, or did you look at a picture as you worked?"

"The assignment was to use a picture the teacher takes of you and mimic it with charcoal as accurately as possible."

We all assured her that she had accomplished the task perfectly. Feferi and Nepeta began chattering back and fourth about how nice and sweet the art teacher Miss Peindre was, leaving Equius and I to make small talk about the test as we chewed on our lunches. Then, after Nepeta's careful but quick hands slid the masterpiece back neatly into the sleeve her face suddenly took on a brightness of recollection and she spun back around to face us so quickly that her beanie flew off her head.

"Shit that's right! I've gotta tell you guys something! Something huge!"

Feferi and I immediately gave her our attention, if not for the fact that Nepeta's voice was so shrill with seriousness. "What's wrong?"

"You aren't gonna believe whose coming back to the school next year."

We shared a look of confusion before looking back at the small girl who was looking at us with such intensity we felt a little scared to find out who was allegedly coming.

"Gosh, you guys really forgot already? Cause he didn't completely embarrass all of us and basically make dozens of people's lives a living hell or nothing."

At that Feferi's eyes widened, and Nepeta nodded gravely. "No glubbing way."

I didn't figure out what was going on until I heard it spoken aloud, but when I did, I could literally feel my heart skip a beat.

"Yep, Gamzee's coming back."

6


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you mean he's coming back? I thought he was expelled from the district years ago!"

"He was, but apparently he's being let back in for good behavior or something. Aw man…" As Nepeta slumped forward Equius replaced the beanie to its rightful place, seemingly unphased by the shocking news, and this didn't seem right to me.

"Uh, Equius?"

"Yes."

"Didn't you, y-you know, hear her?"

"Yes." He repeated in a more sure tone. "However this unpleasant news had already reached my ears some time ago. There is no reason for me to react again."

His response didn't surprise me.

"Oh what're we gonna DO?" Feferi whined as she fell back onto the quilt, her legs folding modestly so as not to flash what was under her skirt. "I was looking forward to a drama free senior year, but with Eridan coming back from Britain, an now all this Gamzee stuff… Aw GLUB this school's gonna EXPLODE!"

As everyone stayed in silence of mourning their once peaceful lives, a thought came to my mind of which made me freeze, then slowly lower the hand which had been holding up my head and sat a little straighter.

"Maybe… Maybe things won't be as bad as we think they will."

All eyes immediately turned to me.

"What're you talkin' about Tavros?"

"I-I mean he's being let back into the district on good behavior right? Usually those things don't get forgiven so easily, so maybe he's sorry for all the stuff that happened."

"Tavros come on," Feferi propped herself up with her elbows and seemed almost tired. "Do you really believe the things that are coming out of your mouth?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "Well I was just—"

"I highly doubt that glubbing maniac is ready to give up his little game. He's probably coming back to make things ten times worse then they were before."

I had never heard Feferi talk like this. She was almost a different person, but then again I didn't really expect her to agree with me. I wasn't even entirely sure I agreed with myself either. "Well we should at least give him a chance to redeem himself."

Suddenly Nepeta slapped both her hands down onto her textbook, making us both jump, and then my anxiety spiked even higher than it already was when I saw the anger in her eyes.

"No! I will not give that monster a second chance Tavros, an I defiantly won't forgive him! No matter what he does or how much he pleads. Even if he begs me on his knees! I will not!"

Equius' large hand found it's way to her shoulder. "At ease Nepeta, it is not worth your attention."

"No Equius, he needs to listen! I need to tell him!" She shook his hand off, and he did nothing to try and stop her a second time. "Tavros, please, I don't wanna argue, but you've gotta understand that Gamzee threw away our friendships the moment he did those nasty things"

Feferi nodded enthusiastically, sitting up fully. "Yes, yes! Absolutely right! He crossed the line and made us look like morons!"

"Miss Feferi while I do understand your involvement and anger toward the one of which we're referring, you are still unable to comprehend the severity of which we three take his actions."

Nepeta spoke again after her muscled friend before Feferi could get in an indignant word, and I still will never figure out how she could manage to roll her R's in such a way even in a serious moment such as this. "Yeah, sorry Feferi, but you did have it the easiest out of all of us regardin' the Gamzee situation. Not saying you didn't go through hell that year too, but with this current topic, you may just wanna sit back an listen."

Lucky for us Feferi was much more levelheaded than most other girls with her disposition, so she just folded her arms and did as she was told.

"Equius an I tried to help him when he was at his worst, or what we had thought was his worst. At that Time Tavros was goin' through some serious stuff, an though I fully understand why he was an it's not his fault in the slightest, he wasn't around to help talk Gamzee down. You know what happened to me an Equius, but Tav had to go through much different stuff cause of that douche bag." She turned to face me, not with concern in her eyes. "Honestly, I dunno how you're managing to defend him Tav, after all, he did, well you know…"

I understood what she was referring to, but I shrugged my shoulders instead of agreeing like the coward I was.

I didn't know why either.

The rest of lunch had been awkwardly silent, even Feferi, but luckily the bell rang soon and we all murmured goodbyes as we got up and left in our separate directions.

I was glad to find that my last three classes went by in a blur, like I was watching everything transpire through a screen and I was simply going through the motions to get done. This feeling was all too familiar, and though I hated it, I felt like I had so many times before and convinced myself that I deserved to be numb for a little while, I had just received shocking news after all.

I only came out of my stupor when I found myself with the key to my front door in my hand hovering barely an inch from the lock.

Gamzee was coming back,

As little information as that was, it sent a million worries flooding through my mind. Was he still dangerous? Would he seek me out and try to hurt me like he said he would? A lot of time had passed since the last time I had spoken to him, so he was bound to have changed like everyone else had. For worse or for better, I just didn't know.

After kicking off my sandals and setting them to the side near the door I dragged my tired body into the kitchen to dump my backpack on the wooden dinner table and pour myself a much needed glass of water. I didn't expect the drink to make me feel better, but quenching a thirst I hadn't known I had made me feel a little more relaxed, though honestly being at home defiantly made me feel about ten times better already.

Not knowing if anyone was home, and not particularly caring, I brought my refilled glass with me down the autumn colored hallway and into the tiny space of salvation more commonly known as my bedroom.

Our house was originally built in the seventies, so all the decor was painfully retro. I literally had to refuse to allow some of my friends over just to keep them from either poking fun at me the entire time or practically wrestle them down to keep them from redecorating. Wood paneling covered every inch of our walls that wasn't already covered by brick or tile. There was always a warm feeling in this house, it was like a sanctuary, a holy place that I could run to when the world was too cruel or too scary. Sure it creaked and moaned late at night, and the electric system sometimes gave us trouble, but that was all perfectly fine by me. I loved the tacky rugs and retro amber colored chandelier, it was all I had ever known throughout my whole childhood, and inside these walls had been the perfect place to grow up.

_God_… _Gamzee is seriously coming back… _Recalling the gruesome memories made me feel a bit like the room was spinning around me as I lay flat on my mattress. I hoped I wouldn't be sick.

Things could get violent, maybe even bloody, if he showed his face again. Actually, I was almost certain that someone was going to get hurt. The look I had seen in his bloodshot eyes was one of an animal, fighting his way out of a cage, seeing himself cornered every time he turned around, and lashing out with manic fury at anything it saw. Maybe it wouldn't happen now, but it was going to happen. As long as he was around, we weren't safe.

But did I really believe that?

As I closed my tired eyes and opened my mind, inviting the memories in at a slow and controlled pace, I also saw the gentle way his eyes would follow a bird taking flight, the slow way his lips pulled into a smile, and the relaxed way his arms would hang from his shoulders as he walked. I could recall the way he called every single one of our names and spoke in absolute nonsense that made perfect sense to him, how loud and heartfelt he sounded when he laughed— Then the delirious cackling rang through my head and bounced against my skull to make my body jolt in sudden fear. After I reminded myself that I was safe I groaned and fell back onto my pillow with my hand covering my eyes.

Gamzee would never be the same person after that. How could he? He was too far gone for anyone to get to. _But maybe if I had just…_

No! No I couldn't think like that. I already knew what I could have and should have done, but I didn't. I was busy dealing with my own problems. I had gone over this far too many times to be bothered with it now— Even though I knew it would never really go away.

Why was I reacting so strongly to this again? It had been so long, shouldn't I have forgotten what if felt like? It was probably because I had repressed and forgotten everything so completely before, I never really got time to really contemplate the future rather than the past. Regardless of what I did Gamzee was returning and was going to once again be a factor in my life, the only problem was that I did not know whether he would be a friend or a foe.

I couldn't deal with this alone, I needed to talk to someone, to bounce my ideas and get some, any kind of advice, so I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and flipped it open to text the one person I hoped would make any sense of all this.

**TN: Aradia, Are you there? There are some things going on**

that I would really like to talk to you about,

_Oh please, please answer me_. I didn't know how long I could stand this kind of feeling without having some sort of attack.

Lucky for me my phone vibrated with an answer almost immediately.

**AM: hey tavros what's up? everything okay?**

**TN: No, I don't think so, I just received some rather**

**upsetting news…**

**AM: is it the whole thing g****oing on with gamzee coming**

**back?**

**TN: Why is it that everyone is finding this out**

**before me?**

**AM: i don't know! i find things out in weird ways**

**anyways, it's not a totally weird thing for me to**

**know something before you**

**TN: Oh yeah, I suppose you're right, I'm sorry,**

**AM: don't need to be, I'm not mad! 0u0 but what's up?**

**TN: Well I've been feeling kind of sick since I found**

**out,**

**AM: understandable, considering what's happened**

**between the two of you, but just try to relax**

**okay? remember what I taught you?**

**TN: Yes, Uh, The picking a memory and putting**

**it away thing, Right?**

**AM: Yep that's the one! Good job!**

I didn't know how she did it, but jusT after a few minutes of messaging back and forth she had managed to soothe me.

**TN: So what am I supposed to do when I see him again?**

**AM: well, what do you think you should do? it**

**all depends on you and how you decide to**

**handle the situation.**

**TN: I had hoped you wouldn't say that, It's all too**

**confusing to figure out on my own,**

**AM: you can do it tavros!**

**TN: ,,,,,**

**AM: your period key still not working?**

**TN: It hasn't for like four years now, I'm not fixing**

**it now**

**AM: haha! that's so like you!**

**AM: but all joking aside tavros I am serious**

**no one can tell you what you've got to do**

**you have to figure it out on your own**

**TN: Do you think he's really going to try and hurt**

**Me like he said he was going to?**

**AM: even i don't know anything for sure tavros,**

**but what I do know is that people are always**

**changing, so there may be a chance for many**

**things to happen**

**TN: Uh, You're talking very criptically again,**

**AM: do you want my help?**

**TN: Yes yes I do, sorry,**

**AM: what i'm saying is that i know things have**

**been tough, you know i do, and they're going**

**to get worse if you don't choose what to do**

**on your own**

**TN: So what you're saying is that I am in**

**charge of my own destiny?**

**AM: i'm saying that either things will go right, or**

**they'll go horribly wrong**

As little sense as she was making, it actually made perfect sense once I looked at it from closer to her perspective.

**TN: ****Do you think that he is still dangerous?**

**AM: i'm not too sure, but are you scared he will be?**

**TN: Aren't you? I mean after how badly he hurt**

**Equius and Nepeta**

**AM: but he was also a close friend, right? dont give**

**up! you've gotta take charge of your life tav!**

**TN: No, I don't want to do that, Don't you**

**remember the last time I tried that?**

**AM: well do it without being a dick this time!**

**TN: Alright, Arguing with you is always a waste**

**of time, because you are often right, So I**

**will take your word for it,**

**AM: good boy 0u0**

**TN: Thanks aradia, I knew I could count on**

**you, oh and I've got to go but I will talk to**

**you later,**

**AM: okay, bye dork!**

I truly hopes she was right, and that things would be fine, because I really didn't know how I would react to them not. I already had a breakdown once in my life, I didn't want to do it again.

Aradia always helped to make sense of the jumbled stressful thoughts that cluttered my mind, so now that I was put to ease I was able to focus on my homework and finish relatively quickly. My nose was buried in my class book again when I heard the front door open and close with a creak and a slam. I lifted my head and paused to listen for a moment, and when I didn't hear the heavy footsteps of either Rufioh junior or senior I put the book down and exited my room to greet Tink at the door.

He was toeing off his shoes when I came in, and when he flashed me his familiar grin I couldn't help but return it.

As the oldest sibling Tink worked full time at the pet supply store down town, and since he still lived at home he had to pay for the groceries and fill the family truck's gas tank once every week. Times were tough around the house. This wasn't a problem for him though, because Tink was very responsible and did whatever he could to keep the family happy.

That was when I noticed the plastic bags hanging off his arms, weighing him down and seeming quite heavy all together, so I rushed up to him and took more than half off his parson as I insisted on helping him.

My concern earned a gentle chuckle and his thanks. "I was afraid my arms were going to stretch like taffy!"

"No problem. Were you okay on cash this time?" I asked, following him into the kitchen, where we both set down the groceries after I hauled my school bag off of the table to make room.

"No I was fine, though I did have to put the ice cream away this time." When I sagged my shoulders in disappointment he smiled in a guilty way and ruffled my hair with his gentle hand. "sorry buddy, I'll get some next time, okay? I promise."

Hearing that I smiled and nodded to show that I wasn't upset. "Alright that's fine. Would you like some help putting things away?"

"Yes please!"

We then proceeded to store all the food in it's proper places, and as I helped him we began talking about out our days. He told me about a stray cat getting into the shop and finding him in the cat nip toys, and since I trusted him so much I told him about what Nepeta had told me during lunch.

"You haven't spoken to him since the meeting with the principle right?"

I was stacking cans in the pantry as I shook my head.

"How do you feel about all this?"

"I'm not sure yet… Scared? Excited? Mostly just confused and nervous. I have no idea what's going to happen."

He nodded in understanding and opened the fridge. "Well you have every right to feel the away you do Tavros, that boy put you through a lot."

"I know, but, I-I still want to see him and talk to him. Is that bad?"

"Not bad, just dangerous. It makes me worried about you."

I leaned against the counter and frowned. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make you worry, but its just hard cause it seems like I'm the only one that really wants to know if he's alright. Everyone else just wants him gone."

Tink paused a moment to glance over at me with sadness in his eyes, and I knew he understood what I was feeling. "I don't want him gone Tavros, I just want him not to hurt you again. Don't you remember—"

"Yes, I remember, and I remember the reason I locked myself in my room for all hours of the day had nothing to do with him. It was… More complicated. Gamzee just added a little onto it."

"Even so, I don't trust him, not yet. Maybe one day, after he's proven himself, but until then, no."

It was foolish to think he would have reacted any other way. "I understand…"

"Good boy. Now, help me with dinner, the others will be home soon."

That night, after cooking with Tink and eating dinner with my father and other brother, I lay in my bed and stared up at the ceiling with my phone off to purposely ignore any texts from Vriska, since I was already too emotionally spent to deal with one of her flitting moods. If she got mad, I would tell her my phone died and take the punch that was coming to me, but all that I could focus on was wondering what Gamzee was doing at that moment, and hoping that he was somehow even half the friend he had once been.

9


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next day I ended up swallowing my pride and apologizing to the others for the way I had acted the previous day. They told me there was no reason to apologize, but I insisted and they said they forgave me. It was better to air those kinds of things out before they grew into something huge. Feferi told me not to worry too much about it since "he had been such a close friend after all" but I still felt as if they wouldn't see my way of thinking for a long time, and it was at that moment I decided to keep all my thoughts on Gamzee to myself. It wasn't worth getting into another tense moment with anyone.

The rest of the day went by fairly eventless, just like the nest one, and the next one, with nothing but school, studying, and casual family bonding taking up my time. It wasn't until Friday that anything exciting happened, because that was the day that I got to work.

On a normal schedule I usually came in three days of the week, Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, however since finals were next week my manager had allowed all the part-time employees currently attending high school to only come on for a single day, and my day was Friday. I got out of school and walked the four and a quarter miles to the Summons animal shelter, a small but well run place that my father had opened up when Tink was a tiny baby, well before Rufioh and I were even thoughts. As I walked along the building I ran my fingers over the rough red bricks, and then passed through the double doors to greet the receptionist with a friendly smile and a wave before heading to the employee area to get ready.

In the back of the buildings, where there was a patchy area of grass and dirt with a few scattered ropes and other varieties of pet toys, a graying pit bull named Patrick sniffed at a clump pf yellowish grass with intense focus, while I— now donned in a red apron and rubber boots— held onto his leash.

I chuckled as he stooped lower on his front legs to get an even closer sniff. "A friend of yours?"

The old canine turned his head to wag his tail in response, then turned back and tugged on the leash as another scent overtook his attention. It was much nicer talking to animals because either you understood what they were trying to tell you, or they didn't understand what you were trying to tell them. Animals didn't lie, and knew nothing of material greed or vanity, those were things my father had taught me since my early childhood.

Speaking of my father, I wondered where he was at that moment. Usually when I came into the building the receptionist would alert him of my arrival and greet me with the things he needed me to do. However, today it had been a note on my locker, not him, who had relayed my instructions, and that worried me a lot because of recent events.

Deciding it may have been for the best to figure out for myself what was going on I clicked my tongue and guided the large dog away from the toy which had grabbed his noses attention so I could guide him back to his kennel. He had already done his business anyways, and I had just been zoning out as he was sniffing about. With the lock set I walked back down the long hall of yapping and howling before taking off my boots and slipping on my sandals again to come through the entrance again.

Dad's office was part of the main building, though there was a sign for visitors not to enter, since he was the owner and main proprietor— or something, I didn't keep up with the business part of things.

"Dad?"

There was no answer to my low call, nor to the light rapping on his door, so I knocked a bit louder until I heard a gruff "Come in" from the other side.

The room was small, with simple off-white walls and a window, a large wooden desk and a visitor's chair the only pieces of furniture besides the bookcase and filing cabinet. Partly obscured by an laptop and a stack of folders nearly a foot tall sat the man I had come to see, and when he saw who had disturbed his work his face softened from it's aggravated look to that of ease.

The chair he sat on groaned as he leaned back in it and set his pen down. "Hey there buddy, what's up?"

"I was just checking up on you, since you didn't come to meet me when I came in— Uh n-not that I mind too much, I understand you're busy and all that, so it's alright that you didn't."

"Yeah sorry kiddo, I just had to go through a few files." He ran his hand through his hair and glared down at said work. "Defiantly not how I wanna be spending my day, but what can I do."

I nodded my head, inwardly relieved, and my relief must have also shown on my face, because he leaned a bit forward with a more paternal look. "You worried about me?"

"Well…" I turned partly away and lowered my head in shame. It was something silently agreed not to be spoken about. "I had just thought you were in another meeting, or working out another financial problem. I misunderstood the situation, sorry."

I couldn't lie to my father like I used to however. He knew all my tricks— if they could be called that. He could see the familiar anxiety that was only partially successfully hidden and knew that I was holding much of what I was really thinking back. With a deep sigh he got up from his chair and sidestepped the desk to close the distance between us and trap me in a bear hug. It had been a long time since we had been held back at uncomfortable small talk and pats on the shoulder. "Son, it's alright, I've taken care of all of that stuff, and we're all going to be just fine again."

Nodding my head didn't seem to be enough of an answer for him, because he pulled back to place a heavy hand on the top of my head and lean forward to look me sincerely in the eye. "I mean it Tavros, we're going to be fine. The loans are all paid off thanks to all our hard work, and things aren't gonna be as rough from here on out. I'm sorry I had to put all that stress on you, I know it was hard, an I know you really could've done without it, but things are gonna be fine. _Fine, _okay?"

I knew he was trying, but after years of family debt coupled with severe depression having every male figure in my family coddle me did not make me feel much better. However, I did my best to make it seem like it did. "Okay Dad."

"Alright. Now, anythin' else you need?"

"No, that's all. I'll get back to work."

He watched me leave with a wave and a smile, but I knew what he was thinking. He was disappointed that his son had grown up to be such a screw up. He was ashamed because he had raised a boy who couldn't handle himself in difficult situations and had to be tiptoed around during stressful or hard situations. I soon found myself spraying the dirty kennel I was cleaning with rage because I wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs that I didn't have to be sheltered like a crippled animal, I was almost an adult and could handle myself emotionally, all I needed was someone to let me escape! Someone who would distract me from all the shittiness in my life, make me feel better and forget all the bad stuff for a little while, rather than talk it out over, and over AND OVER!

And the worst part of it all was that every time I wished that there was someone to be that with me all I could think of was Gamzee, Gamzee, Gamzee.

I had cleaned seven kennels more than the ten I had been assigned to do before I ran out of energy and had to jog to my locker again to grab my inhaler. To hell with finishing my shift, I would just explain to Dad I was having a rough day, he would believe it.

It wasn't a moment after I stepped out of the front buildings glass doors, my backpack on my shoulder and clothing back to it's usual attire that I had my cell phone in my hand with Aradia's number already dialed.

"Pleasepleaseplease _please_ pick up…" I muttered as I pressed the phone to my ear.

It rang four times, then I heard her voice chirp out a greeting. "Hello?"

"Aradia! Hey, uh it's me, Tavros."

"Um I kinda know you're number goofball. Hang on," I could hear the sound of voices in the background, then of a door clicking. "Kay all good now. What's up?"

"Ah," I ran my hand through my hair, not caring that I messed it up. "I'm not really sure, I'm just kind of upset. Is this a bad time?"

"No no, I was just in the living room. And upset again? You've been getting a lot of bad moments this week, something wrong?"

"Nothing more than usual, except…" Realizing I had been practically running, I slowed my pace and took a deep breath. "Well it's just that lately everything that usually makes me only mildly upset is now making me either feel like raging or want to break down."

"That's not good at all! What kinds of things have been triggering you?"

"Triggering, really? N-never mind. Well, like today I was checking up on my dad because I hadn't seen him, and he goes on about all our financial troubles and how 'things are going to get better' and 'everything's okay now' and stuff."

"Hmm."

"And the whole time he's just coddling me and acting like I'm going to shatter if he says the wrong thing. He's trying to be Tink and that's not him! I need him to be sturdy Dad again!" For some reason I couldn't stop fidgeting with my hair. "I know I had a fucking problem, but well, I-I'm not going to get better unless people treat me normal, right?"

"You're exactly right Tavros, don't worry."

"I'm really sorry for putting all this on you Aradia, I don't want to upset you."

"Oh don't worry about it Tavros! You haven't asked for help like this in a long long time, I'll help you any way I can! So, is there anything else?"

"Well I have been thinking about Vriska lately…"

I could hear her groan loudly. "You're always thinking about her!"

"I know! But lately she's been, I don't know, uh…"

"Herself."

"Well, yeah."

"Tavros I've been telling you forever now to break up with her! Seriously if it was anyone else I would be saying it's okay and that you can work it out, but you've _tried_, you understand? You've tried for years, and things aren't going to get better after someone has been an asshat to you for that long."

By now I was walking down the street aimlessly, letting cars pass me this way and that. "But she's changed herself before, uh, and sometimes things are a lot better, then they were before."

"Tavros can you even hear yourself?"

"I know, I know…"

"Let's not get into this right now, okay? Feelings jam time, not rag-on-Tavros-for-his-bad-choice-in-girlfriends time. Anything else you want to talk about?"

"Well…" Did I dare tell her? I had sworn to keep my personal musings to myself, but this was Aradia. She understood what I was dealing with better than anyone. I could tell her couldn't I? "Well so uh, after I found out that Gamzee was coming back, I guess I've been thinking a lot about him. And so, I've realized, that I really miss being around him."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh, like because, he never forced me to talk about anything, and he also never forced me to do anything with him— I'm talking about before the incident of course. Over all he used to be a great friend, the kind of friend I needed."

She sighed again. "Tavros I've already told you—"

"I know, I know. I need to figure it out for myself, well I'm trying! I just…" I closed my eyes, and saw his face smiling at me. "I can't get him out of my head…" But suddenly a new face came up, on that was older and taller. Someone I hardly knew except for a moment of kindness. It was slowly being pieced together in my head, and I froze to watch as it did.

"Tav? You th—"

"Uh, h-hang on a moment, I think I'm figuring something out."

No… It couldn't be. No there was no way! After all these years could I really have seen him again, and not recognized him?

"Aradia have you seen a recent picture of Gamzee?"

"Well yeah I got a couple from a source I'm not supposed to mention."

"That's fine, can you just send it to me?"

"Sure, I'll have to hang up though, is that cool?"

I nodded as if she could see me, then corrected my error. "Y-yes, I just want to see it for a moment."

"Alright, bubye."

"Bye."

The photo came through as I was clutching my phone close to my face, waiting for it with a desperate need to know if my deductions had been correct. I would worry about how weird I was being later. I needed answers.

My screen flashed. I chose select. The pixilated photo came up onto the tiny screen, and despite the bad quality, there was no mistaking it.

**TN: Aradia I'm going to the movie theater.**

**AM: haha, go get em tiger!**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

At any normal time in my life I would have demanded to know how Aradia knew about everything that went on. She was always in the know of everything that happened, but no matter how much she knew she would never lift a finger to tell anyone about it, except in minimalistic ways. Lucky for her I was being bombarded by far too many other thoughts to worry about her methods of acquiring information.

I was already down town. I would have to walk at least another twelve blocks before I got to the shopping plaza that the theatre was in.

That didn't matter to me. I could have walked a thousand blocks gladly, if it meant seeing Gamzee again.

His face had changed so much. It was no longer that awkwardly long shape that had made him look stretched out like taffy. And his body was different too. Less elbows and knees, stick thin limbs and poking out ribs, at least from what I could see at the time he seemed to have grown into his thin body, it suited him.

Of course, this was all from my memory of that partially lit lobby, so for all I knew he could have looked completely different.

What if it wasn't even him?

No… I shook my head and kept on walking at my brisk pace. It had to be him. I only had to flip my phone open and see the picture message to confirm that. It was him, just older, grown up… I slowed a bit. _What if he's a totally different person now_? _What if, when he realizes who I am, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me_? Could Gamzee really be that cold hearted to me? Maybe after his episode, so it was possible. But if I believed that, then what if it actually ended up being that way? What if I got there and he just shoved me away and told me to get out of his sight?

Or… Or what if he didn't? What if when I got there, he was goofy and excited to see me? That thought probably scared me more, because then I would have to deal with the accusing stares and comments of every one of my friends that he had ever spited. Could I really look all of them in the eyes and say that I had forgiven him for everything that he did?

Since I was far to lost in my own thoughts I was not giving proper attention to my surroundings and suddenly snagged my sandal on a separation in the sidewalk, and not a moment after I could myself toppled on my hands and knees, hissing in pain.

"Fuck…" I didn't want to, but I was forced to look down at my hands, which were white and red with scrapes and scratches all moving in a vertical path. My knees stung a bit as well, but my pants had saved them from most of the damage they could have taken. Well damn, just my luck!

That's funny, I didn't recall having any luck in the first place.

No Stop that. I had to stay positive! If I didn't, this would all end up panning into a horrible disaster. I had to keep myself hopeful, despite the dull throbbing in my knees and the itching sting of my hands which pulsed with every beat of my erratic heart— Don't think about it. Just keep going.

It took maybe half an hour of walking, but eventually I made it to the plaza. In the bathroom of the Starbucks at the corner I cleaned off my hands and knees as best I could, then after I walked outside into the buzzing heat, I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do. I couldn't walk into the movie theater without a ticket, and there was no way they would let me in saying I wanted to reunite with a person who used to be my friend, they would have thought I was a stalker or something! Besides I didn't even know if he was working today. I didn't even know if he was working there at all anymore. But Aradia probably knew, wouldn't she have warned me? She probably would have, if she knew, but what if she didn't know?

While I was standing outside the building looking as dumb as I possibly could, the woman behind the ticket glass called out and asked me if I needed any help, and though I told her that I was fine, I really did wish that she could help me, because there were too many questions and not nearly enough answers swirling around in my brain.

Feeling like a pitiful wreck I walked to the right to sit down on a metal bench in front of a large poster of one of the movies coming out next month.

What the hell was I doing?

I had rushed all the way here, scrapped my hands and bruised my brain thinking, and for what? No plans had been made to meet, there was no security, no stability, nothing was concrete, the only thing I had was a photo on my phone and memories in my heart, and I guess that was all I really needed to pull my headphones from my backpack and pull my knees to my chest as I sat there and waited for something that I doubted would actually happen, but hoped as hard as I could that it would.

Minutes rolled by, then a half hour, then a full hour, and four whole hours of me sitting there watching every person that came in and out of the theater passed before something unexpected happened.

While I had my forehead resting on my knees, music on and spirits low, a tall figure came out of the revolving doors in baggy clothing and a backpack slung over his shoulder. He stopped not ten feet away from me to light a cigarette, then stood there just to pull a breath from it and exhale into the cooling air of the summer twilight while I had no idea of his presence.

We must have stayed like that for a whole ten minutes before I raised my head to stare dully in front of me, STILL not seeing him. I was beginning to loose what little hope I hade. Hugging my legs and resting my chin on my knees as I sat waiting for someone who would never come seemed like the worst way to spend a Friday night, and as I sighed I was thinking about getting up right then and leaving, but my sigh caught the attention of the tall figure near me and with a cigarette dangling from his mouth he peered my way. I'm not entirely sure how long he had been staring, but when I FINALLY glanced his direction and noticed him his face looked filled with a dazed joy similar to that of a drunk being greeted by god himself.

"Tavros… Is that you?"

_Okay, so I'm dreaming, that's cool too. Did I fall asleep on the bench or something_? _I should probably wake up_.

"Holy shit dude, is it really you?"

_Well at least humor yourself_. "Hey Gamzee, good to see you?"

"Oh my god," The alleged dream boy seemed to inflate with happiness before closing the distance between us in seconds and catching me in the mother of all bear hugs. "TAVBRO!"

Alright, the crushed ribcage proved that this wasn't a dream. I was awake!

Awake and feeling very, VERY foolish.

"How ya been brother? Shit, if I'd a known I'd be seein' your mug round here I'd a cleaned myself up right! Well, common man, motherfuckin' say somethin'! It's been forever!"

"Y-yeah it has," I say as he pulls back to grin down at me. He was a lot taller than I remembered. This was… too good to be true? He was happy to see me, and even hugged me? "I've been alright, and yourself?" What was going on here?

He shrugged his wide shoulders and tossed his bangs out of his face, still grinning. "Eh, doin' what I do mostly. But shit, I didn't think I'd actually ever see you again brother, 'specially not before I go back to school after the motherfuckin' summertime gets to be all up an over with it's hot self. But dude, seriously… Shiiiiiit, I really can't believe it's actually you!" he was then planting himself down in the bench beside me. "You ain't got no motherfuckin' idea how spectacular it is to see you, no motherfuckin recollection at all."

"Yeah I know, uh, it is defiantly great." _Wonderful, I can't think of a single thing to say_!

Despite my obvious inability to come up with anything intelligent to say Gamzee just kept on smiling at me as if everything in the world were good and amazing and wonderful. How on Earth could he just sit there and look so happy after all the atrocities he had committed? Couldn't he remember all the tears and humiliation? Didn't any of that matter to him at all?

"Bro, it's all up an been like so motherfuckin' long since we've all up an seen each other face to face, ain't ya god no other words to say to this motherfucker?"

I did, but it wasn't anything good, so I was unable to look him in the eye. He no longer seemed to register how severely he had mess things up. The fact that he seemed to be pretending that everything was right and dandy with the world was raising the temperature of my emotion to a scorching, blood boiling level. It hadn't occurred to me how angry I would become upon actually seeing him face to face, and the fact of the matter was that I just couldn't take it. No matter how little I cared about justice and all things of that nature, I owed everyone who had been wronged by this man to at least say _something_.

"G… G-Gamzee."

"Yeah dude?"

"Why are you acting so… Casual?"

"Whatcha mean little bro?"

A quick breath and a nervous glance were both stolen before I continued. "What I, uh, what I am saying is, h-how can you just sit here and shoot the breeze with me, and pretend like we're nothing more than old friends reuniting after… A-after…"

"After I'd gone an fucked everyone's shit up?"

I had been making a point to stare down at my hands clenched firmly in my lap as I was speaking, so I hadn't seen how quickly his face had phased from joyful to down right resentful, but when I dared to chance a glance to note his reaction a shock of icy cold fear shot through my body and sat heavily in my stomach.

That look sent flashing images through my head to flicker in front of my eyes: _Nepeta's face, beaten and bruised, her body sagging in a hospital bead… Equius with harsh rope burns around his neck… The stitches on Terezi's upper lip as she fought to hold back the angry tears, all marring what had once been unmarked skin…_

There was no way I could go up against him and come out unmarked.

I had made a horrible mistake.

"Wait Gamzee, I-I didn't mean—"

"Don't try to pull your bullshit on my motherfucker, I know what exactly you all up an mean. Shit, a right after I thought I could finally start over again, y' just gotta go an pull this shit on me. Really? Y' don't think I know what I did motherfucker?"

Not knowing if escape was even possible I shrunk back from him, the armrest of the bench digging into my back and side. "I-I'm sorry Gamz—"

He interrupted me again to shout loud enough to make me jump. "No! FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I hated the way he said the word fuck, how it bust from his lips in a momentary intensity, but he couldn't have cared less how much I disliked his pronunciation as he rose to his heavy feet and stooped aggressively with a clenched jaw and tight fists. "Fuck you an fuck all your little pussy as friends! They'll prolly up an pull the same shit on me too huh? Y'all won't let a sliver of a notion that maybe things've changed flicker in yer minds will ya? Maybe I"VE changed! Ever consider that ya little shithead? Huh?!"

People were starting to stare. How long would it be before someone came up to us and broke this up? Probably not until it came to fists

If I was brave enough I would have stood up to face him and put him in his rightful place. If I was strong enough I would have planted a few good punches into his stupid face, one for each of my friends, to show him how badly it hurt to be beaten black and blue. If I was smart enough I would have come up with all the nasty horrible things imaginable and said every single one of them to him right then and there, and if I had hated him enough I would have laughed over him as he was bleeding on the floor and told him how much he deserved every bruise and ache and pain because he made people who didn't deserve it hurt just as bad. Yet, no matter how much I wished I did, I did not possess a single one of these things. I wasn't brave, wasn't strong, wasn't smart and wasn't able to hate him, not with a single fiber of my pathetic being. I should have, heaven knew I should have been disgusted by the idea of rekindling a friendship with someone that had violently beaten two of my closest friends and publicly humiliated several others, but the memory of his gentle kindness was burned into my brain, and his jubilant laugh still rung in my ears, so I knew that I would never be rid of Gamzee Makara.

"H-hey… Hey now, stop that. I'm tryin' to…" His voice fizzled out of it's fury to resemble a sound of uncertainty. "Don't you cry, I'm s'possed to be mad at you."

Intending to speak I took a breath which ended in a sharp sob, and I gave up again to hide my face.

I wished I could speak, because I wanted to apologize to him. Even if it didn't make sense, even if I didn't need to, or if I wasn't the one that needed to apologize, more than anything at that moment I wanted to tell him how sorry I was that I never made an attempt to find or contact him, and that I was sorry for letting everyone's resentment for him become the norm. He probably thought I was pathetic, coming here to see him and ending up crying into myself because I couldn't get over my selfish insecurities and fears that he never would be in my life again…

The swirling thoughts that kept colliding against each other in my head slowed when I felt something brush against me, making me lift my head to see what it was, and once again I found Gamzee had sat himself down beside me, close enough to touch his shoulder with mine. His next words came as soft as the brush of a feather against my skin. "Are you crying because of me?"

Like before I still had no idea how to respond, so I just shrugged my shoulders and hoped he understood.

"Damn… I, Tav… Shit, come here brother."

For the second time that evening I felt his lanky arms wrap around me, but rather than the tight hold of excitement that had been fueled by out reuniting, now he was gentle and tender and rubbed my back in the slow familiar circles I couldn't believe I hadn't recognized that night in the movie theater. It was all so blatantly obvious, and I was blind to it all.

"G-Gamzee…"

"Hey shhh, all's well an good in the cosmos bro, it's all good. Jus' keep quiet a while for now little man."

"But—"

"Please Tavros…" His grip tightened the smallest amount. "Just… Just lemme hold you a bit longer."

So I did. I let him hold me until all the sobs melted away into a few scattered sniffles and whimpers, and then longer still as I took a good number of shuttering breaths to regain my composure. Gamzee didn't care that my tears were falling onto his shirt, or that people occasionally stared as they walked past on their way to the ticket booth. The only ting he seemed to want to focus on was me pressed close to him as my sounds of sadness slowly withered away to calm breathing.

Feeling better, though not much, I lifted my head from the damp shoulder which had supported me and was caught off guard to see one of the deepest looks of heartbreak that I had ever witnessed on Gamzee's lean face. He watched me as if I would suddenly disappear into thin air, not wanting to miss a single detail. I had never thought seeing such humility and regret pouring out of those indigo eyes would make me think them beautiful, but I did, and it made my heart ache in a whole new way.

"Tavros, please, you've gotta understand," He was practically pleading with me, as if I needed it to listen to him. "I ain't got a single right to ask it of you, but please,_ please_, just gimme a second chance. Jus' you, that's all I need. Without you… I ain't got no one else in the world that really cares about me none, so without you, I ain't got no one."

I was making a terrible, horrible, stupid mistake, and I knew it too, but in that moment I knew it was the _second _time that day I was going to make a wonderfully dreadful decision.

"Don't worry Gamzee, you're not alone anymore, you have me."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

That evening Gamzee and I exchanged phone numbers to be sure we would be able to get in touch again, and he promised to let me be the one to contact him after I explained to him that I needed time to think. As a matter of fact, I didn't quite yet know what I was going to think about, but I assumed that it would come to mind after I was safe in the walls of my own home.

Sadly I was mistaken.

The only thing I ended up doing was stare at the new contact on my phone that didn't seem as if it should even exist.

Over the course of that weekend I attempted to grasp how I should have felt about all of this, but then I figured I didn't really want to know. I wanted to live in a perpetual daze where I thought I was okay with everything, even if really deep on the inside I was screaming at myself about how stupid I was being and how horrible things were going to turn out later.

So I pushed the whole meeting out of my mind the entire weekend and all the way through the last week of school until I was exiting the last class of the year and walking down the hallway which echoed with the whoops and hollers of my fellow classmates. I was wondering what Gamzee was doing at that moment as I acted as the wallflower that I was and dodged through the animated crowd in a desperate attempt to avoid anyone that would knock me down or pick on me while caught in the high that summer break tended to settle over people.

Like I often did I planned to meet Nepeta in the hall her next classroom was in, and I did, but when she saw me she came storming up with her cheeks puffed out angrily.

"Tafuros! Oh, I am so pawsitivly furious!"

I hadn't expected this kind of greeting, especially when school was over, so I stopped and waited for Nepeta to come all the way to me so I could focus on making my face seem like I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Nepeta, what's wrong?"

"Big dumb Equius is being a jerk, that's what." She stopped at my side and pulled me to the side out of the crowd, rummaging through her bag. "He won't let me go on the rock climbing trip with Terezi, an he won't listen when I try to explain that I haven't hung out with her in forever! Oh!" She gave up on her bag and just dropped it onto the floor to cross her arms and stomp her tiny foot. "I am so MAD!"

Relieved that she wasn't referring to what I had feared she was I smiled with understanding and patter her shoulder, telling her like I did so often that it was probably for the best to listen to her huge but wise partner in crime.

"Tavros you always agree with him. You two never let me do anything exciting!"

"It's only because we're keeping you safe. We care about you, both of us."

Nepeta and Equius were two of my closest friends, of course I cared about them. I would have done anything to help them or keep them safe, and I completely understood why Equius would be so set against any kind of dangerous activity that Nepeta wasn't already familiar with. I've reminded her time and time again since early adolescence why it was better to take her best friend's advice, because it had proved to have kept her safe from several nasty incidents of which she would have gotten into trouble had she not listened.

"Tavros are you sure you're not just scared of Equius getting mad if you don't agree with him?"

I shrugged. "Well that, and I seriously think it's a good idea to listen when he says something is a bad idea. We both want you to be safe."

She huffed again, but this time she was smiling. "I don't know how someone can smile so much when talking about other people, but hardly crack the tiniest one when talking about himself."

"Huh? Wha—"

"Taaaaaaaavros!"

_No, not now_…

As much as I really did not need to deal with Vriska at that moment, ignoring her when she called me was in no way worth the amount of pain that I would have had to deal with later on, so as reluctantly as it was, I did turn around to watch her as she approached.

No matter how rotten our relationship was, I could never say that she wasn't beautiful in a sharp, whip-like way. Today her heavily layered, blue-highlighted hair was pulled back in a double-braided style she had learned a while back from an older friend, probably to combat the heat, and her flannel was tied around her slender hips. Maybe she wouldn't have looked as good if not for that intoxicating confidence that came in sonic waves from those intense eyes.

The previously mentioned end-of-school high must have been affecting her, because this was one of only a scatter few times that she had ever approached me during school hours, and most of them hadn't been very pleasant at all. So now either she had forgotten how unforgettable her pride was, or this was going to be something unpleasant for me.

She didn't speak as she swaggered up to me, probably just soaking in the fact that she had my full attention, the way she always did, as she stopped a couple feet in front of me and crossed her slender arms. "Uh, hey there?"

"_Hey there_," she mimicked with her lip curled. I bet if she had known how weird that looked she wouldn't have done that. "Torea-snore have to talk to you, follow me, 'kay?" She didn't even bother to look Nepeta's way.

That wasn't going to sit smoothly with her. "Sorry Vriska, he's talking with me."

Even Nepeta's voice could get cold and hard when addressing Vriska, sometimes I forgot how badly everyone hated her. Then again, her situation was pretty similar to Gamzee's, the only difference being she had to stick around and apologize.

Vriska maid a 'tch sound and grabbed hold of my arm. "Talk. Now Toreadumbass!"

Nepeta started to surge forward to help me, but I waved her down and gave her as positive of a thumbs up as I could and she sagged her shoulders and watched me leave trailing behind my slender girlfriend.

It was anyone's guess where she was planning to take me, but by the end of her tugging me around corners and through the back doors of the school I found myself next to the dumpsters, where only the outcasts dared to hang out during lunch.

"Okay kiddo, listen an listen good."

I knew my place. No talking unless asked, so I just nodded.

"You're an okay kid, really you are, but Tav, you're completely useless."

"Oh.."

"Yeah. You're a pathetic little moron, like you've always been."

If you think this bothered me, it really didn't. Well, not really. She quite literally treated me like this every time we were together.

"But besides that. I thought maybe I could save this pathetic thing we call a relationship, taking you back and all that jazz, but dating you is pretty much like dating cardboard Tavros, I'm sick of you."

I didn't reply.

"Nothing? Really? Woooooooow. Way to show you care, jackass. Lets do us both a favor and end this relationship so I don't have to waste my perfectly good life doting on a worthless little metrosexual pansy. I'm done, and I really think you should consider leaving me alone for the rest of existence."

It sure was creepy how calmly she was breaking up with me, but I suppose it was creepy how calmly I was taking it as well. After all, other guys in this position would be confused and begging to be given a second chance, but not me. This was different then them. It went deeper.

"Alright Vriska, whatever you want."

"_You said WHAT?"_

"It isn't too big a deal, she wasn't mad or anything, I guess she was just in a mood."

It was just past six, hardly three hours since Vriska broke it off with me. By now I was standing in the kitchen with Tink, both of us clad in aprons as we cooked dinner with him chopping vegetables and me stirring a white sauce on the stove as I pressed the house phone to my ear. I had just finished explaining the break up to Aradia, and she was taking it the way I had assumed she would.

"_Whether she was in a mood or not, those are in no way words anyone should say to anyone_! _Regardless of if your breaking up with someone or not_!"

"Well I don't know," I said as I picked up the pepper to sprinkle over the pan. "maybe someone saw us talking sometime, and she did it as a kind of cover? I think she's done that before."

"_If she has, she's a bitch. No, even if she HADN'T, she'd still be a bitch_! _Vriska's just a bitch in general Tavros_! _I have no idea why you still hang around her, let alone date her_! _Most of us have given up on her and whether or not she'll 'change' because she's lied to us far to many times_."

"I know, I know." Tink looked over at me, knowing what we were talking about since I already told him, and just smiled as if to say _well, such is life buddy._

"_Tavros seriously, why do you keep getting back together with her? Isn't this like the tenth time she's dropped you like this_?"

"Pretty close," It was the seventh. "And it's complicated. She's not always like she's known to be, after apologizing and such she did get a little more empathetic, and she understood all the stuff she did was wrong. I don't know…" The spoon in my hand spun the sauce in a slow circle. "I guess I just really can't help but be attracted to her confidence. I mean, she's beautiful too, in a dangerous kind of way, and we have a lot of history."

She sighed through the line. "_Yeah, just because she's so hypnotizing, doesn't mean you should keep crawling back to her_."

"I don't! I-I just don't say no when she wants to get back together."

"_And you should_! _She's toxic in one of the worst ways. She's manipulative and cruel, and she's horrible for your emotional health_!_ If it wasn't for her, you would have recovered from your dark spell a lot faster, and a lot easier_."

I closed my eyes. "You're right." And she was. If it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't find myself crying out of the blue on late nights, and maybe I wouldn't be so afraid to voice my opinions in large groups. "But, don't you believe people deserve second chances?"

"_Tavros we HAVE given her a second chance. And a third and a fourth. She's so bad she even got her older sister to cause us trouble, remember_? _You know I'm all for letting people fix their mistakes, I would be a hypocrite if I didn't, but at some point a line has to be drawn at where to stop letting people hurt you_."

I let a brief pause rest over the line. "Where does that line end exactly?"

"_You mean where in time should you stop giving chances_?"

"I mean, if someone did something really, REALLY bad, should they get a second chance?"

I could hear her chuckle. "_You're thinking about Gamzee aren't you_?" She didn't make me answer that, she just continued. "_Well in all honesty I think that while yes, what he did was horrible, he's such a mystery to us now that we have no choice but to give him another chance. It's only fair. Though, he wasn't very fair himself, wouldn't you agree_?"

A groan escaped me which made Tink laugh quietly. "Come on Aradia, please don't talk in riddle-rhymes now, I need your help!"

"_Aw don't make a fuss, I am helping you_! _Just do what you think is right. Despite what you're told by some stupid mean black-widow bitches, you are very bright and sensible, so I'm sure that whatever you choose will be fine_."

"You think so?"

"_I know so. Feel a bit better_?"

"Yes, I do. But there's something else I want to talk about."

"_Hmm_? _What's up Tav_?"

Tink had been listening throughout our conversation until now, but now I wanted a little privacy, and with reluctance I excused myself from the kitchen while avoiding his concerned gaze and went into my bedroom, only removing my hand from the receiver when I was safe behind my door.

I felt bad for isolating myself from him like that, but I needed to. "Okay, sorry. Can you hear me?"

"_Yeah of course, did you leave the kitch__en_?"

"Yeah,"

"_But why? You've never minded about talking in front of Tink before, have you_?"

"No I haven't, b-but this is entirely different. I need to talk about Gamzee with you, and at the moment Tink is still sort of having trouble finding any good things about me being around him again."

"_Oh, so he's concerned for your safety, so your hiding things from him_?"

"What? No! I just-"

She laughed through the line. "_I'm only joking Tavros, relax! I get it, you want to have a private conversation so you can make up your own mind like a reasonable adult. I think it's very wise of you_."

"Uh, I don't really know about that whole wise thing..."

"_Of course your wise! Well, there are wiser, but when aren't there? You've been thinking and rethinking this whole ting for years haven't you? And you're REthinking it again, so you're definitely not just rushing into anything head first. Just stop second guessing yourself and make a choice_!"

"But-"

"_No buts Tavros Nitram! Stop Procrastinating and make up your mind!_"

"But what am I supposed to say?"

"_How about what you've been wanting to ask since the seventh grade_?"

Now that struck a cord, and also made me think.

How was it that she knew me better than I knew myself sometimes?

"You know what Aradia? Thank you. I think, um, yes. I think that's exactly what I'm going to do. I have to go, but we'll talk later okay?"

"_You got it. Tell me how it goes_!"

"I will, bye."

The line cut quickly after I pressed the call end button, then my keyboard clicked madly as I searched for the number I had deliberately checked dozens of times to make sure it was still there. I wasn't going to waste my sudden burst of confidence on anxiousness.

"Yo Tav? That you man?"

I had been moving so fast I almost forgot that i had pressed the call button. "Ah! yes? Yes! Hey Gamzee!" Rocky start, having to scramble to press the receiver to my ear, but I ignored it. "So like, well um, I know it's kind of short notice and all, and maybe it's a little too late to be hanging out, but to you maybe want to meet me over by the park?"

He didn't seem confused or put off, but rather intrigued. "The one down the way from the elementary school?"

"Yes, that one. Uh, is that okay? Or is it too sudden a request?"

"Hell naw man! You just get you're skedaddle on an I'll meet ya there faster than a jackrabbit with his cottontail all up an on fire."

I couldn't contain my joy as I agreed and bid a quick goodbye to him. The phone was hung up, shoes found and jacket donned before i was calling out to Tink that I would miss dinner while already halfway out the door.

He didn't get to ask where I was going, because I didn't give him time to.

**TN: ****I'm on my way,**

**GM: See ya tHere mY BroritO!**


End file.
